Team First

First printed on prepvolleyball.com in 2012

         My junior year at Stanford I wanted to take a seminar on conflict resolution.  It was a small class and had double the enrollment the professors wanted so they asked each of us to send them a few paragraphs on why they should take us in the class and our background in the subject.  I gave them a brief rundown on my academic history and why I was interested in the class from that standpoint.  Then I told them that I have spent a good portion of the last decade dealing with large groups of girls, ages 12-22 in highly pressurized, highly competitive environments.  So yes, I had some background in conflict resolution. 

            Let me start by saying that I have been on some incredible teams, both in terms of capability as volleyball players and selflessness as teammates.  Being able to go through a whole season, though, without having any drama or misunderstandings is very difficult and it takes a lot of awareness from everybody involved.  We spend so much time worrying about how to make the team better out on the court by training skills, getting stronger or learning about the game.  Obviously this is crucial to a team's success.  However, I think we need to spend at least as much time thinking about the interactions and the environment of the team as we do about playing volleyball.  Only by really paying attention to how people work together or react to one another and what the potential future problems may be, can we keep the team together all the way until the end. 

            In order to be a great team, every person involved has to make a commitment to act in the best interest of the team at all times.  If, when making decisions, you ask yourself whether it benefits or hurts the team and act accordingly there will be no problems.  Of course, that is easier said than done.  One thing that helps is talking about potential problem areas from the very start, before they have the chance to become problems.

            For example, telling players at the beginning of the season that the bench players need to be supportive and active during games seems like common sense and achieves agreement quite easily.  If you talk about it later on it seems like you’re calling out specific players who are already in a difficult position.  By discussing it beforehand you have a foundation that you can refer back to later in the season if players stray from that behavior. Talk to your team about the way you all want your team to be and make a commitment to keep it that way. 

What I have found in studying how teams work (or the world for that matter), is that problems arise out of difference.  Whether it is a difference in opinion, values, background, skill level, role on the team, etc., any difference can spark a larger conflict.  To be a true team, then, is to be able to put aside all differences for the sake of the team.  Remember, you don't have to be best friends with every person on your team; you just have to be good teammates.  There are going to be people on your team who you just naturally get along with better.  That's perfectly ok, as long as it doesn't turn into cliques.  Cliques are born when groups are exclusive or when you let your relationships with your other teammates deteriorate. 

The lines between cliques are nearly always drawn by some specific difference.  What I have learned over the last few years is that being a good teammate is about letting go of your feelings over the differences.  Notice I didn't say you have to embrace the differences.  I have personal beliefs and values and interests and my teammates have theirs.  Being a teammate does not mean changing who I am for them any more than it means asking them to change for me.  We don't have to like the same things or share the same beliefs, we just need to respect the other's right to believe something different.  Just because I wouldn't go about something in the same way does not mean that I can't fully support my teammates in how they live their lives.  There is only one belief that we need to share: the team comes first. 

If you and your teammates have a difference of opinion the best option is usually to try to find a compromise.  A compromise entails both parties making a small sacrifice in order to get some kind of agreement.  Just to clarify, the emphasis there was on both parties.  Though the end result will not be ideal to either person, it will be better than the problems that will arise if nobody gives in at all.  When you have a clear difference of opinion look for a way to compromise.  You don’t have to wait for your teammate to suggest it. 

The most important rule when trying to build the strongest team possible is to examine your own actions first.  When you are on the bench how do you act?  What do you do when you disagree with a teammate?  How do your decisions affect your team?  The easiest way to avoid drama on a team is for each player to hold herself accountable.  Of course, that isn’t a foolproof method, it takes a lot of trust.  But making the team better starts with making yourself better.  That applies to creating a good team environment just as much as it applies to winning more games.

When your former teammates or coaches talk about you, what do you want them to be able to say?  That you hit hard or you score a lot of points?  Those things are great, but ideally I would want them to be able to say that I made my team better.  That above all else, I was a great teammate.  That means more than any of the stats and any of the awards.  And it will not only help your team win but it will make the experience more enjoyable and meaningful. 

That class I applied for?  I got in.  It taught me that there are plenty of conflicts in the world.  The time you get to spend with your teammates should be a break from all of that, not an addition to it.  In my opinion, being on a team is one of the most amazing experiences there is.  If you can learn how to make that environment the best that it can be, it will not only enhance that experience but it will teach you crucial lessons that can help you further on in life.